Jessica Maier, an art history professor at Mount Holyoke College and mother of three, realized about three years ago that something was missing—even though her days were always busy and close to bursting with tasks and responsibilities.
“I felt like all I was doing was being stressed all the time, thinking about other people, like my kids, or working,” she told Stacker. Remembering a pottery class she took years ago in high school, “on a whim,” Maier signed up for a new class. “From the moment I was in the studio, I felt somehow better. I always came out calmer and more centered.”
The value of the studio went beyond throwing clay. “It was such a gradual process that I couldn’t pinpoint when it happened,” she said. “But after maybe a year, I realized that I had a community in that space that I held dear.”
Maier’s experience is far from unique. People feel overworked, exhausted, and less connected. In short, it’s a lonely world growing even lonelier. Wysa used data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ American Time Use Survey to explore the shifting social patterns of American workers.
Loneliness in a busy, connected world
New research on loneliness suggests spending time with others in places that are neither home nor work, called “third places,” such as Maier’s pottery class, can improve one’s wellbeing and sense of belonging.
Such places are needed more than ever, especially considering the demands of modern life, which sometimes seem to keep people apart. Three in 5 (62%) respondents to a national Harvard Graduate School of Education survey with YouGov said working too much or being too busy or tired was a leading cause of loneliness in the United States. Nearly 3 in 4 (73%) surveyed said technology was a factor. In 2023, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued a health advisory for the national “epidemic of loneliness and isolation.”
It’s not just an American issue. One in 5 workers worldwide experienced loneliness, according to a 2024 Gallup report. Remote workers reported even higher levels of loneliness, at 25%.
Where to go: Rediscovering third places
It’s a phenomenon sociologist Robert D. Putnam wrote about in his 2000 book “Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community.” In the past quarter-century, increasing polarization, the ubiquity of smartphones, and the COVID-19 pandemic’s shutdown only exacerbated matters. Still, the cure is much the same as what Putman prescribed: finding ways for people to connect apart from the pressures and high-stakes demands of work and home.
Such places may not be hard to find. Bowling leagues still exist, as do pottery and other art classes, volunteering, civic clubs, yoga, reading groups, walking groups, parent groups, programs at church or other religious institutions, motorcycle clubs, trivia and karaoke nights at countless bars, just to scratch the surface. It’s just that most people say they lack the time or energy to participate, feeling increasingly burned out and lonely. Even movie theaters are having trouble filling seats.
“Communal spaces like community centers, libraries, museums, theaters, and, frankly, accessible and affordable in-depth psychotherapy and mentoring are critical to restoring wellbeing,” psychologist Kirk Schneider told Stacker. “I call them contexts for ’emotionally restorative relationships,’ relationships where people feel heard and seen and that get at the roots of their problems.”
Fewer workers socializing today compared to a decade ago
The nature of work is shifting away from the remote workforce of the pandemic to more in-office or hybrid work. This might bode well for increased human interaction, but people report feeling less social and too burdened by the demands of work and family.
Finding a third place might feel daunting when you feel overwhelmed to begin with, but experts say that time in places where no one is forcing you to show up—places that can give you energy rather than take it away—can be restorative.
As Philadelphia psychologist Jaime Zuckerman suggested to SELF magazine, sneaking in some time for your wellbeing can be as light as walking around the block or stopping by the kitchen. Even if it lasts only 15 minutes, those minutes can open up space in your life.
Or rather than rushing straight from a busy day at work to the constant hustle at home, consider whether you can build in a short pause along the way, even if it’s as simple as sitting in your car for a few minutes.
You can also explore activities outside of the demands of home and work, as Maier does. Visit your local library, and scan the event board for something that interests you. Make a date with a friend, maybe to attend a pub trivia night. Volunteer once a month at a food bank or another activity.
Creating space for yourself outside the grind
“In hindsight, it’s absurd that I thought the solution to too much work and not enough hours in the day was to add in yet another activity,” Maier said of her pottery class. “When I leave that space and go back to my work or family, I feel like it’s easier to be patient and keep things in perspective. It feels incredible to grow as a potter while being part of such a supportive community. The social aspect is huge.”
Tom Cirillo, a communications specialist in Portland, Oregon, moved to remote work about six years ago. “It was hard for me since I had come from a working environment where I was interacting with a lot of people,” Cirillo recalled to Stacker. “And then the pandemic came and made everything much more socially isolated.”
When businesses opened again, Cirillo found a supportive outlet with a group of regulars at a gym where “there’s a lot of joking and a strong social element.” He also began volunteering in mental health peer support through the National Alliance on Mental Illness and knows others who volunteer at food banks, which he said are “great ways to build community and do good.”
Technology is a powerful driver of connection and disconnection. A review of literature published in the Association for Psychological Science in 2017 revealed the dual effects of technology on wellbeing. When used to enhance social relationships, internet use can reduce loneliness; when used as a form of escape, technology can have the opposite effect. A study of about 300 young adults published in the journal Acta Psychologica 2021 found that more time spent on smartphones and social media apps was linked to increased loneliness.
Connection in the age of disconnection
“Today, with everyone doomscrolling and with social media, we are too focused on our phones and screens. We are losing that sense of human connection,” Cirillo said. “It’s so important to find those real spaces. Online groups can help connect people in some ways, but it helps to make that extra effort to meet people in person.”
He suggested finding “a place where you can find a group of regulars, like a karaoke [bar], even if you can’t sing well, or pub trivia night, where you can laugh and feel comfortable, and connect with living, breathing people.”
Schneider lamented the rise of today’s “quick-fix, instant-result” culture, which prioritizes technology and work over personal relationships, mental health, and emotional development. Finding places where “like-minded people gather” is beneficial, but it is not always enough. For those whose loneliness and isolation are severe, he also advised seeing a mental care professional.
For many, though, third places can broaden experience and offer avenues for joy. “I guess for me, the lesson is that having a space that’s apart from my other identities as a mom and professor—and that connects me with such a wonderful, creative community—has been therapeutic,” Maier said. “So if I have advice, it’s to find an activity and do it!”
Story written by Michael Howerton, editing by Carren Jao. Data Work By Emma Rubin. Copy editing by Janina Lawrence. Photo selection by Ania Antecka.
